Subreddits > ShittyLifeProTips Week of reddit.com/r/ShittyLifeProTips
Nav_arrow_left_cropped
  • Settings


    • Days:    Results: 
Sort:              Nav_arrow_right_cropped
Thursday 3/23 Friday 3/24 Saturday 3/25 Sunday 3/26 Monday 3/27 Tuesday 3/28 Wednesday 3/29
 
3349 LPT: If you want to help someone you care about give up Marijuana, introduce them to harder drugs like Heroin and Meth (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
65 comments
1727 LPT: When shoplifting, leave the amount of cash the stolen goods are worth on the counter so as to distract the shopowner while you escape. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
31 comments
11970 I love their new hit, misfiring cylinders (i.redd.it)
ShittyLifeProTips
143 comments
5071 LPT: To get out of debt, quit being poor. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
153 comments
1457 If your friend is choking, use some WD-40 to lubricate his esophagus. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
32 comments
4741 Simple tip to get free meals forever (thefrugaljerk.com)
ShittyLifeProTips
124 comments
1311 How to be cool 101 (i.redd.it)
ShittyLifeProTips
51 comments
1504 Reduce your foodbill! (i.redd.it)
ShittyLifeProTips
30 comments
63 LPT: Own a business that sells alcohol? Run a promotion where the highest DUI blood-alcohol level wins a years supply. You'll increase your sales substantially and the winner will be dead or in jail so you'll never have to pay out. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
5 comments
371 LPT: If you want people to reply to your posts, just misspell words. People love pointing out grammatical airs. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
48 comments
128 LPT: Not getting enough karma? Ask for upvotes on any subreddit. Just make sure it's at night so the mods are asleep and don't see it. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
9 comments
92 Every zoo is a petting zoo if you're not a little bitch (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
5 comments
373 LPT: Tell everyone at work that you have an identical twin so that when you see them in public you won't have to talk to them. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
10 comments
807 LPT: One in 265 people in the United States have HIV. If you stay in groups smaller than 250, you will be immune. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
23 comments
61 LPT: If you don't want to wash your hands after a piss, but are worried people will judge you on your dry hands after the bathroom, just pee a little on your hands. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
1 comments
223 If you hate someone, be in a lot of smiling pics with them. That way, after you kill them, no one will suspect you. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
6 comments
106 North Koreans.. Don't like Kim Jong Un? Then quit voting for him.. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
4 comments
91 LPT: Can't afford an STD screening? Donate blood at your local Red Cross, they will alert you if your blood is unusable and why within 8 weeks. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
6 comments
173 LPT: trying to lose weight fast, wear two fit bits to burn twice as many calories. Don't forget to let everyone know how many steps you took. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
3 comments
492 If you want to reduce the chances of getting murdered, just kill yourself. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
14 comments
59 LPT: If you're being arrested, just keep resisting. Eventually the officer will get tired and let you go. You clearly did nothing wrong if you have that much passion to avoid arrest and you're simply not worth the hassle after such a long struggle. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
190 LPT: When someone insults you, kill yourself. It will make them feel bad and they will apologize soon. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
9 comments
103 LPT: The trick to having a long marriage is to never get divorced. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
5 comments
65 Tired of trick or treaters? Place a sex offender warning sign on your door (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
2 comments
102 LPT: Leave things you need fixed outside with a sign on it saying you requested a repair, someone will collect it and Santa will bring it back good as new at Christmas time. (i.redd.it)
ShittyLifeProTips
3 comments
376 LPT: If someone refuses a piece of cake, put a gun to their head and force them to eat it. That way they can enjoy a piece of cake without feeling guilty about their diet. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
5 comments
36 Have no cork screw? Freeze your wine! (i.redd.it)
ShittyLifeProTips
6 comments
120 LPT: Can't win the lottery? You either win or lose so you have a 50% chance. Buy 2 for 100%! (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
5 comments
72 LPT: To make a million dollars first make 1000 dollars. Do that 1000 times. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
6 comments
30 LPT: If you live with someone who has severe Night-terrors, a great way to wake them up peacefully is to ask them a simple maths question. Thinking of the answer will distract them enough to forget about the nightmares they had. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
2 comments
69 Life hack: (i.redd.it)
ShittyLifeProTips
2 comments
180 LPT: When stressed, ask yourself if any of this will matter if a nuclear bomb were to drop in your city tomorrow. If not, then drop a nuclear bomb on your city, thus solving your problems. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
4 comments
33 Save money on skinny jeans by getting fat, that way all your jeans will be skinny jeans! (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
114 If you fill your lungs with water, you will get to experience what drowning feels like. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
2 comments
71 LPT: Write down your pin number on your debit card so you'll never forget it (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
9 comments
26 To get a real nice deal on a product, just change the price on Amazon using chromes inspect element feature. Next, print this out and "pricematch" with the laziest looking employee you can find. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
1 comments
41 TIL that I occasionally post in the wrong subreddits (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
2 comments
137 LPT: To avoid being hurt by people, just avoid people completely. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
11 comments
31 LPT: Eat food off other people's plates. It's their calories, so it doesn't count. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
102 LPT: To get rid of your erection in public, pull your penis out. The cold air will make it soft. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
4 comments
44 LPT: if you want to buy something bring money with you (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
2 comments
24 LPT: 72% of plane accidents are caused by human error. To significantly improve your chances of survival during a plane emergemcy, band together with the other passengers and throw the pilots out of the plane. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
1 comments
31 Stop driving your blind friends around! They make Braille cars now. (i.redd.it)
ShittyLifeProTips
1 comments
111 LPT: When someone says no to a piece of cake, don't try to convince them saying "it's just one piece". It's not just one piece. If they say no, now you get two pieces of cake. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
6 comments
28 LPT: If you've been crying, check for hidden onions (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
94 LPT: Check to see if you have immortality by attempting suicide (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
5 comments
39 LPT: If two of your friends are fighting, give them both a reason to hate you instead. Nothing brings two people together like a common enemy. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
2 comments
20 LPT: If you wanna get away with anything became a christian. God forgives. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
21 LPT: When picking up things from the floor, be sure to lift with your back in a sharp, twisting motion. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
2 comments
85 If you have a migraine, hit your hand with a hammer and you will forget all about it. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
4 comments
21 LPT: In order to avoid making a fool of yourself on a date, don't show up (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
2 comments
82 LPT: If someone is trying to strangle you to death, crying out "choke me daddy" might very well weird them out long enough for you to escape. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
3 comments
26 Can't fall asleep? Take a few Adderall 30min before bed so you can focus on falling asleep. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
18 LPT: Want to live forever? Don't drink water as 100% of people who drink it die so don't and you will be immortal (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
5 comments
20 LPT: Suck at sleeping? Try hitting your head really hard against a wall, it always knocks me right out! (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
2 comments
79 LPT: If you're trying to make new friends, act like a dog. People love dogs. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
5 comments
19 Time is money. So if you spend enough time in a store you can get anything for free. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
3 comments
81 LPT: People will get out of your way faster if you shout "I'm about to puke!" than if you say "Excuse me." (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
5 comments
25 SLPT: When committing a crime, make sure to kill every witness so that they cannot testify against you (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
3 comments
10 LPT: Lost in life and you're over 30 years old? You're going nowhere. (i.imgur.com)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
18 LPT: Extend the service life of your car's turn signals by never using them (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
2 comments
53 LPT: If you sleep till noon you only have to pay for two meals instead of three (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
3 comments
18 LPT: If you are doing Heroin, share your needles. You will save money so you can buy more drugs. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
68 Avoid people who wear this device, they have AIDS (hearingaidbuyertoday.com)
ShittyLifeProTips
1 comments
20 LPT: When your child says they're hungry, say "Me too". This will take their mind off their own hunger. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
3 comments
9 LPT: Always compliment a woman on her mustache, especially if she's worked hard to make it epic. She will appreciate being noticed for it. (i.redd.it)
ShittyLifeProTips
2 comments
11 if you ever feel depressed, read some suicide notes or visit a dead person's facebook. it will make you appreciate your life more. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
32 If you're feeling lonely start masturbating, someone will definitely should up to disturb you mid-way. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
4 comments
14 NSFW LPT: If you are having a hard time getting out of bed, masturbate until you make such a mess of yourself that you have to get out of bed. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
1 comments
55 LPT: If you see an African-American on the street, say "What's up my Nigga?" so that he knows you are a friend. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
4 comments
19 To punch harder, put a roll of quarters in your fist. If you don't have a roll of quarters handy, just put your thumb in your fist for the same effect. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
7 LPT: If something gets stuck in your eye, try washing it out with soap. You'll forget about whatever it was in no time! (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
11 Drill holes in your radiator for a cooler engine in summer! (i.redd.it)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
24 LPT: if you love someone, tattoo their name on your face so you won't ever forget (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
1 comments
14 If you're worried about other drivers crashing into you, just hold down your horn while driving to alert them of your presence. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
39 If your marriage/relationship is going downhill, have a kid. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
3 comments
19 Want to avoid unreasonable funeral costs? Simply bury your friends and relatives in your backyard. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
3 comments
7 When you're cooking food, make sure to touch the burners on the stove to make sure it's not too hot. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
1 comments
11 Never throw things away. You might need them later.0 (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
2 comments
20 If you put stuff off long enough you will die and it won't be your problem any more (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
1 comments
12 LPT: if you are on a plane that's about to crash, max out your credit cards buying your friends stuff on amazon. It will leave them something to remember you by (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
3 comments
39 If you can't stop biting your nails, put cyanide on them. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
1 comments
19 To live longer, have more birthdays. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
2 comments
6 If you are ever on the verge of hypothermia, just drink a bottle of anti freeze to stop it dead in it's tracks! (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
10 LPT: If you want to have sex with a lady asap, just say "nice shoes, let's fuck". Women are easily turned on when complimented on their clothing, specifically their shoes. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
19 LPT: Don't wear flip-flops in public showers and just assume everyone else does (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
11 LPT: every home bathroom has a urinal, it's called a sink. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
1 comments
33 LPT: Want to hire someone for a position they're unqualified for? Ask them about their private medical history in the interview so HR is forced to offer them a job. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
1 comments
15 LPT: The less you feed your pets the more attention they will give you. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
1 comments
5 LPT: Always practice fusing together two bananas before performing a human head transplant. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
2 comments
9 LPT: Use PayPal to pay your rent for 6 months at a time, then at the end of your lease, charge it all back. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
1 comments
8 LPT: When you're trying to catch a falling knife, instead of using your whole body to lunge and catch it, try to train yourself to just use your foot as a landing pad. Your foot is closer to where the knife's going to be and moving your leg is much easier and faster than moving your whole body. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
11 LPT: Check the username of the minor you're attempting to hook up with. If their username is "Decoy" they might actually be a cop. (i.redd.it)
ShittyLifeProTips
2 comments
33 LPT: If your house smells like gas light a match to give it a nice smokey scent. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
2 comments
13 LPT: The key to never getting divorced is to never get married (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
5 Tired of walking everywhere? Cut your hamstrings. It will take less than five minutes and you will never have to walk again. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
9 LPT: Looking to gain arm muscles during your daily commute? Drain your car's power steering fluid. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
8 Light sleeper and noises wake you up at night? 1 simple trick that most doctors won't tell you! (i.redd.it)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
11 Don't waste your time showing people you care about them. It makes you vulnerable, and they might not reciprocate. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
1 comments
29 LPT: Have old bottles of wine hanging around the house? If it's more than 3 years old it's expired and should be tossed in the trash. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
12 LPT: Building a New House or Remodeling? Skip the drywall and you'll always be able to find studs to hang stuff, easily run new wiring and plumbing, and save money by not having to paint! (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
3 comments
5 Need a day off? Kill one of your pets and tell your boss you recently had to put it down. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
1 comments
8 LPT: if feeling suicidal just go bungee jumping and skydiving. Performing deadly stunts curves the feeling of wanting to die and you also get an adrenaline rush. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
2 comments
5 LPT: Keep around 2000 peppermint Altoids in Ziploc bags under your car seat. That way you can offer the police officer a cool mint while they search your vehicle. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
10 Need to break the ice with a new acquaintance? Ask some personal questions like "Where do you live?" and "When do you usually shower?" (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
3 comments
29 LPT: If you hit someone with your car, make sure they are dead so that can't tell on you. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
2 comments
10 LPT: Eat food regularly to avoid death. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
1 comments
4 LPT: Constantly annoyed by your friends and family stealing sips from your drink? Get oral herpes. That will be sure to stop them! (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
8 Build workplace relationships by sharing your views on religion, politics, and sex with your coworkers. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
5 Put toothpicks in your urethra for a neat toothpick holder (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
2 comments
9 If you want to sue somebody, just get a little plastic skeleton and lay it in their yard. Then tell them their ants ate your baby. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
1 comments
29 LPT: If you're a single male, go to a park and try to make friends with some children. Women like men who like children. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
2 comments
9 LPT: If you ever get a call from your banks fraud department simply give them all the details they need. It is the safest way of securing your account from fraudsters. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
3 LPT: Eat all of your meals out of tupperwear and mixing bowls because all of your other dishes are dirty, you lazy piece of shit. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
6 LPT: Get the most out of your health insurance by contracting a serious disease. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
5 LPT: I had a tip but... (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
1 comments
9 LPT: If someone attempts to do something, especially for the first time, don't encourage them. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
1 comments
26 Sit on your brain before proofreading a paper. It will fall asleep and feel like someone else is reading it. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments
8 LPT: Significant other not giving you enough attention? Start spending time with the ex you dumped to be with them. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)
ShittyLifeProTips
3 comments
3 LPT: Save money on your electric bill by only flipping your lightswitches up halfway. (i.redd.it)
ShittyLifeProTips
0 comments