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31403 Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers (self.Showerthoughts)
Showerthoughts
407 comments
45263 The older I get, the more I want to get off work early and rush home as quickly as possibly to do absolutely nothing but be a part of my couch. (self.Showerthoughts)
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2735 comments
64 Kids these days will never experience the feeling of slamming the phone to hang up on someone. (self.Showerthoughts)
Showerthoughts
20 comments
24957 In the 50s people were fantasizing about robots doing all of our work, now people are terrified of it. (self.Showerthoughts)
Showerthoughts
1628 comments
35940 We enslave, torture, and murder billions of cows, pigs, and chickens every year and nobody bats an eye. A dog is forced to swim for a scene in a movie and everyone loses their fucking minds. (self.Showerthoughts)
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3455 comments
50 A time capsule would be the perfect place to hide a dead body. (self.Showerthoughts)
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13 comments
7086 I secretly race my wife every time we are both putting pillows into pillowcases. (self.Showerthoughts)
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276 comments
20571 If having kids naturally was as hard as adopting, world population would plummet. If adopting was as easy as having kids naturally, the world would run out of orphans. (self.Showerthoughts)
Showerthoughts
1082 comments
45 Snapchat should include a feature that tells you if the snap has only been sent to you. (self.Showerthoughts)
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6 comments
3422 Salt is just tasty rocks. (self.Showerthoughts)
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166 comments
5498 No matter how old I get, I always feel like everyone older than myself is a "real" adult and I'm just faking it somehow. (self.Showerthoughts)
Showerthoughts
180 comments
28 Whenever I see an inspiring story of someone who goes from 600 lbs to lean and fit, I mostly think "Ok, I guess I can get to 600lbs and still recover, so I'm ok for now". (self.Showerthoughts)
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3 comments
2386 "I have a startup" is just the older brother of "I'm in a band." (self.Showerthoughts)
Showerthoughts
52 comments
4673 You must own a pair of pants before you can buy a pair of pants. (self.Showerthoughts)
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194 comments
26 All of my clothes have instructions for washing them, yet I've probably never followed any of them. (self.Showerthoughts)
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10 comments
2358 As a student people used to tell me how stressful "adult working life" is and how being a student was so easy. But today I am way more relaxed since my job has a defined start and end as opposed to the constant guilt of feeling I should be studying instead of whatever else I was doing. (self.Showerthoughts)
Showerthoughts
126 comments
3660 Our society has become so lazy that coworkers act like I ran a 10k when I take the stairs. (self.Showerthoughts)
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185 comments
21 It's not that famous people are dying at a faster ratio nowadays, it's that the "being famous" bar has been dramatically lowered (self.Showerthoughts)
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5 comments
1836 Someone once estimated the circumference of the earth by the angle of a pillar's shadow. And I need a calculator to find 20% of $16... (self.Showerthoughts)
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123 comments
2622 I've received more information in the first 30 minutes of being awake today than most dark age peasants did in a month or more. (self.Showerthoughts)
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69 comments
1000 The majority of people have an above average number of legs. (self.Showerthoughts)
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62 comments
1454 Calmly walking up the stairs from my basement after I turn the lights out is how I prove to myself that I'm an adult. (self.Showerthoughts)
Showerthoughts
65 comments
795 I use my nose to breath even if i smell something bad because I don't want the smell to get in my mouth. (self.Showerthoughts)
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37 comments
1154 Wet socks are the worst first world problem. We are literally complaining about having both water and socks. (self.Showerthoughts)
Showerthoughts
65 comments
782 I hate it when I run with a phone and wallet in my pockets because they keep bouncing; I can't fathom how horrible it must feel for women to run while having things bigger than a phone or a wallet on their chest. (self.Showerthoughts)
Showerthoughts
104 comments
885 Messenger's "like" button feels more like a "cool story bro" button (self.Showerthoughts)
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28 comments
725 I'm going tell my kids about how when the Internet used to be so slow the fastest way to get a movie online was for them to mail you a DVD. (self.Showerthoughts)
Showerthoughts
45 comments
687 If Siri listens for me to say, "Hey Siri", then she is probably listening to everything I say (self.Showerthoughts)
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109 comments
625 I never see pets with glasses but there must be some who need them. (self.Showerthoughts)
Showerthoughts
44 comments
478 Someday, kids will complain about being dragged to visit the stupid moon because its so boring and who cares where some dumb old astronauts walked around. (self.Showerthoughts)
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43 comments
618 Music is just sculpted air pressure (self.Showerthoughts)
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52 comments
402 Waking up at 5am sounds reasonable, but waking up at 4:45am sounds ridiculous (self.Showerthoughts)
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65 comments
489 Sometimes randomly throughout my day I'll think of something embarrassing I've done, or a time I said something really stupid in front of friends, and I'll physically cringe. Even things that happened when I was like 10. (self.Showerthoughts)
Showerthoughts
30 comments
391 When I'm standing next to my (5' 3") gf, I see her from the flattering "MySpace angle." She sees me from the "fat underchin" angle. (self.Showerthoughts)
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31 comments
478 It makes me feel superior to set the microwave to 90 seconds instead of 1:30. (self.Showerthoughts)
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58 comments
359 Maybe plants are farming us, feeding us oxygen until we eventually die and decompose so we feed them? (self.Showerthoughts)
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39 comments
328 Someone may find my search history, but I'm glad they'll never see my thought history. (self.Showerthoughts)
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16 comments
256 Mr. Peanut is an artistocrat that sells dead, dry roasted members of his own species. (self.Showerthoughts)
Showerthoughts
16 comments
261 Our grandparents generation complain about how we need 'safe spaces' but they were the ones who wanted separate bathrooms for colored people (self.Showerthoughts)
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47 comments
240 Flying west at 1040 mph is basically the same as staying still while the earth rotates below you (self.Showerthoughts)
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33 comments
251 People who generalize and say all drugs are bad shouldn't be able to take Advil when they have a headache. (self.Showerthoughts)
Showerthoughts
47 comments
191 "Every kiss" actually begins with "E." (self.Showerthoughts)
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33 comments
237 Women are considered fragile but I've never seen anything as easily wounded as a man's ego. (self.Showerthoughts)
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72 comments
81 In Saudi Arabia I could actually be stopped by the fashion police. (self.Showerthoughts)
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6 comments
187 When I was a kid I thought worms eating my apples would be more problematic. (self.Showerthoughts)
Showerthoughts
12 comments