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36487 Bill Nye is doing shitty detergent commercials, but I guarantee he could do a Kickstarter titled "Give me money so I don't have to do shitty detergent commercials" and get at least a million bucks. (self.Showerthoughts)
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1370 comments
6018 Every commercial that tells kids "grown-ups are too stupid to get why it's cool!" was written by an adult manipulating stupid children. (self.Showerthoughts)
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153 comments
43316 It's off-putting that ( ) ( ) isn't a palindrome, yet ( ) ) ( is. (self.Showerthoughts)
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2088 comments
4956 Meowth trying to catch Pikachu has just been a cat and mouse game this whole time. (self.Showerthoughts)
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106 comments
18902 Never once have I written an email and thought, "I hope they know I sent this from my iPhone." (self.Showerthoughts)
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595 comments
5050 Scientists are going to be pissed when they send probes to the new exoplanets and find that the vikings got there hundreds of years before them. (self.Showerthoughts)
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95 comments
85 In a meeting somewhere, someone actually said "let's make a movie about sharks caught in a tornado" and 5 movies were made. Five. (self.Showerthoughts)
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20 comments
1849 It doesn't matter what's stuck to the toilet bowl, I will try to peeblast it off. (self.Showerthoughts)
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70 comments
32573 In my life I've bought at least 20 pairs of nail clippers because I lost the last pair, but I never take them out of my house meaning there's at least 19 places I haven't seen in my own house (self.Showerthoughts)
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1542 comments
4647 What if we can't travel through mirrors because we are always pushing ourselves back from the other side... (self.Showerthoughts)
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271 comments
10977 I sincerely hope I live long enough to see "I am the kid who fell in Harambe's enclosure, AMA." (self.Showerthoughts)
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219 comments
4927 I always skip steps when walking up stairs but if every other step were missing I'd be pissed (self.Showerthoughts)
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144 comments
74 The reason babies always shit themselves is because they are still trying to figure out how much fart they can get away with (self.Showerthoughts)
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6 comments
1786 There should be a medical bracelet for "delete my internet history". (self.Showerthoughts)
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96 comments
1781 As a kid I hated eating leftovers. As an adult I love eating leftovers, because I don't have to cook. (self.Showerthoughts)
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89 comments
3049 Between 251-65 million light years away exists a view of earth with dinosaurs on it. (self.Showerthoughts)
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189 comments
303 In Scooby-Doo, every single mystery the gang ever encountered always had a logical explanation, and the only unexplainable thing was having a dog that could talk. (self.Showerthoughts)
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23 comments
3935 With an average of 7 lbs of feces inside them, 536 people have been to space. It costs ~10k per pound for a trip to space. We've spent around $32.5 million shipping literal shit into space. (self.Showerthoughts)
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136 comments
37 Society would be a lot less stupid if less people subscribed to the idea of "fake it till you make it" and more people subscribed to "stfu and listen till you can form valid opinions" (self.Showerthoughts)
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9 comments
1055 When I was a kid, I always thought that Velma's (from Scooby Doo) struggles in finding her glasses were exaggerated; now, as a grown up with incredibly poor vision, I sympathize entirely. (self.Showerthoughts)
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60 comments
1557 I was born in 1988. I was 24 years old before I ever saw a year where all four numbers were different; 2013. (self.Showerthoughts)
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51 comments
2666 Seth Rogen is sort of like the new Adam Sandler. He's been in some good movies but he mostly just uses his fame to make dumb stuff with his friends. (self.Showerthoughts)
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136 comments
163 It wouldn't surprise me if the Furby I had as a child is still creepily singing and cackling in a landfill somewhere. (self.Showerthoughts)
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12 comments
3609 If you froze an egg and threw it through somebody's window while they're not in, they would come home to a broken window and a raw unscathed egg and wonder how the hell it happened... (self.Showerthoughts)
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228 comments
35 I really want to see a How It's Made about the actual show How It's Made. (self.Showerthoughts)
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13 comments
664 A few hundred years ago, people were fat because they could afford it. Now people are fat becuase they cant afford to be skinny (self.Showerthoughts)
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151 comments
1205 I’m pretty sure if my dog could talk his most common phrase would be “Are you going to eat that?” (self.Showerthoughts)
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41 comments
1119 When I was a child, my mom would get mad at me when the computer was slow and blame viruses on me. Now that I'm gone and I go visit home, and her computer is slow, I get mad at her for viruses. (self.Showerthoughts)
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33 comments
138 I learned how to spell amateur correctly from internet porn. (self.Showerthoughts)
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9 comments
2691 As a little kid, being 3 times my regular height while sitting on my dad's shoulders was fun. As an adult, being 3 times my regular height while climbing a ladder is terrifying. (self.Showerthoughts)
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76 comments
23 After losing my virginity, I feel that my chances of being sacrificed have gone down drastically (self.Showerthoughts)
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15 comments
650 My Steam account is far more secure than my bank account... and also worth more (self.Showerthoughts)
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41 comments
1109 As a child I pretended to like carrots for my parents. As an adult I pretend to like them for my child. I fucking hate carrots. (self.Showerthoughts)
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79 comments
780 There are only two types of Taco Bell employees. The ones that give you two packets of sauce and the ones that give you twenty. There is no in between. (self.Showerthoughts)
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32 comments
110 The people who I talk to online and have no clue who they are, are better friends than 99% of the people I communicate with regularly. (self.Showerthoughts)
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25 comments
2203 Toasters should eject toast at least a foot into the air like in the cartoons. (self.Showerthoughts)
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114 comments
369 There's probably alot advances in the world we aren't exposed to yet because businesses still want to make more money off the old. (self.Showerthoughts)
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70 comments
977 Even the worst armies that got slaughtered probably had at least one great soldier who thought 'my teammates suck' (self.Showerthoughts)
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31 comments
660 Just realized that even though I live in the most technologically advanced era, if I went back to the 1800s I have absolutely no skills that would advance civilization. Just a lot of great ideas. (self.Showerthoughts)
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63 comments
106 Those who say "It's not about the money" or "I don't care about money" tend to be those with a lot of money. (self.Showerthoughts)
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19 comments
1741 There should be a GPS option that gives you fun facts about the places you drive through. (self.Showerthoughts)
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61 comments
243 Continents begin with 'A' and end with 'A'. Except for Europe, which begins with 'E' and ends in 'E'. (self.Showerthoughts)
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87 comments
831 The creator of Yelp figured out how to make a profit by essentially blackmailing every restaurant. (self.Showerthoughts)
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36 comments
340 Even though I've never counted to a billion, I know I can (self.Showerthoughts)
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46 comments
89 Your teenage email address is an example of a highly effective password. (self.Showerthoughts)
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23 comments
1037 When I see "wtffffff" I think what the fuuuuuuuuuck instead of what the fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. (self.Showerthoughts)
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39 comments
212 Teenage me would be so mad at present me if he saw me turn down sex because I'm "tired." (self.Showerthoughts)
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28 comments
748 LPT should really be named "You will forget this in 5min anyway" (self.Showerthoughts)
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31 comments
295 98% of the time I turn off portrait lock on my phone is to watch porn (self.Showerthoughts)
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10 comments
87 If Vision was to get his own movie, would it be released in 2020? (self.Showerthoughts)
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14 comments
833 When we are no more, evolved insects will have myths about titans. (self.Showerthoughts)
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23 comments
121 In 50 years, we'll judge the marketing of sugary snacks to children the same way we currently judge the marketing of cigarettes to children. (self.Showerthoughts)
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15 comments
704 Tell a random stranger how to raise their child and they'll get triggered, write a book on raising children and they'll pay you for your advice. (self.Showerthoughts)
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22 comments
265 Ever wonder if Neil Armstrong told jokes about the moon but ended them off with saying "Ahh you had to be there" (self.Showerthoughts)
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6 comments
74 Terms and Conditions should seriously include a TL;DR version (self.Showerthoughts)
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7 comments
686 As someone with ADHD, people are more likely to wonder what drugs I'm on when I'm not on any, and less likely when I am (self.Showerthoughts)
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55 comments
110 The statement "the placebo effect also works when you know it's a placebo" is a placebo itself and it only works because you believe that it is true (self.Showerthoughts)
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13 comments
510 "You're going to hear from my lawyer is the adult version of "I'm gonna tell my mommy" (self.Showerthoughts)
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27 comments
33 People find it ridiculous that an elephant can be scared of a mouse yet so many humans are terrified of insects (self.Showerthoughts)
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6 comments
53 "Don't spend your life trying to impress strangers on the internet", say the famous people on Instagram. (self.Showerthoughts)
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3 comments
638 I wonder how many engagement rings fall from the top of the Eiffel Tower every year. (self.Showerthoughts)
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34 comments
94 If deodorants have a distinct smell, aren't they odorants? (self.Showerthoughts)
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12 comments
344 If you took a person from the year 1817 and brought them forward to 1917 then it would probably take them a few months to adjust. If you took a person from 1917 and brought them forward to 2017 then their head would probably explode. (self.Showerthoughts)
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27 comments
40 You'd swallow your own spit if it was in your mouth, but if it was in a cup you would never drink it. (self.Showerthoughts)
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26 comments
593 Every time I take my infant son to the doctor, I feel like I'm getting approved to keep my baby for three more months (self.Showerthoughts)
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22 comments
91 I never think of my belt as dirty until I realize I've never washed it and it is also usually the first thing I touch after wiping my ass. (self.Showerthoughts)
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15 comments
279 The older I get the more I side with the villains. (self.Showerthoughts)
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41 comments
32 The Titanic's swimming pool is still functional. (self.Showerthoughts)
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6 comments
406 I want to teach my daughter to play guitar just so someday when some schmuck tries to impress her with that generation's "Wonderwall" equivalent, she can destroy him. (self.Showerthoughts)
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27 comments
83 The majority of times, I go out of my way to hold the door open for someone, that person hurries to not make me stand there for long. Leaving me feel like a dick for making them hurry instead of good for holding the door open for them. (self.Showerthoughts)
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9 comments
236 If all of a sudden I stopped aging, I wonder how many years would pass before I noticed. (self.Showerthoughts)
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22 comments
29 If someone breaks a record in space is it still a "world" record? (self.Showerthoughts)
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7 comments
301 I've been living in the same house for my whole life. I wonder if there is space on the floor my foot has never touched. (self.Showerthoughts)
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28 comments
80 I normally have full control of my internal monologue, but the moment it starts singing I can never shut it up. (self.Showerthoughts)
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7 comments
207 If you told an ancient trader that we throw salt on the roads in the winter, they'd probably think we are insane (self.Showerthoughts)
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19 comments
21 I miss the satisfaction of pressing the 'SEND' button and closing my phone when sending an angry text. (self.Showerthoughts)
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5 comments
177 Calling someone a "son of a bitch" seems more like an insult to their mother than to them. (self.Showerthoughts)
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17 comments
66 50 years from now retirement homes will host LAN parties instead of cards and bingo nights. (self.Showerthoughts)
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13 comments
204 If you tried to forget something, and were successful, you would never know. (self.Showerthoughts)
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23 comments
19 I dress and act professional all day long just to look good and impress people who are also only acting professional. (self.Showerthoughts)
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1 comments
149 Eating less reduces your waist, your waste, and your waste. (self.Showerthoughts)
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9 comments
64 Every time you clog a toilet you've exceeded someone's expectations. (self.Showerthoughts)
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2 comments
164 A pizza cutter, is an infinite knife. (self.Showerthoughts)
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13 comments
18 Monopoly would be a lot more realistic if everyone started out with wildly different amounts of money (self.Showerthoughts)
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2 comments
146 It requires mental effort to stop thinking. (self.Showerthoughts)
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15 comments
58 A fine is a tax for doing bad and a tax is a fine for doing good. (self.Showerthoughts)
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8 comments
158 Most adults take their kids on vacation with them so that their kids can have a few good vacations before they grow-up. Because when they grow-up, they won't have a good time on vacations because they will have to take their fucking kids with them. (self.Showerthoughts)
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12 comments
141 I really appreciate all the wealthy people who buy nice clothes, take good care of them and then give them to thrift shops. (self.Showerthoughts)
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8 comments
53 If instant gratification, access to knowledge, unending choices of entertainment and the ability to watch unlimited porn made people happy, we would have the least depressed generation of all time. (self.Showerthoughts)
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8 comments
152 Every time I see an elder whose smartphone has huge text, I see a caring son (self.Showerthoughts)
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12 comments
138 My toddler refuses to sit in a stroller. I'd love to have someone push me around all day, and be able to nap in an adult stroller. (self.Showerthoughts)
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7 comments
48 I think true friendship is achieved when you and a friend can sit in silence with each other and it not be awkward (self.Showerthoughts)
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9 comments
136 Before was was was, was was is. (self.Showerthoughts)
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11 comments
116 I don't think i could trust someone who doesn't do silly voices for dogs. (self.Showerthoughts)
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4 comments